User:Captaincarrot/Goblins An Alternate Theory
Written by IceFireWarden
It is almost shameful to admit that your average human historian―who is fully aware of his peoples’ innate hubris and bias―would have you believe that the goblin-races are nothing more than a species of degenerates; a group frantically trying to rekindle their flame of civilization as they cause nothing but trouble for the races of men, mer, and beastfolk who stray too far into their territories. Some believe that the goblins are what became of the Wild Elves, after centuries of inbreeding and ostracization by the Imperials reduced them into pathetic forms. Others claim that they were spawned by one of the Wild Hunts of the Bosmer, which are known for creating monstrosities and horrors.
But what do I, the great Yatul, say to these theories? Bah! Nothing but the loudest and meanest of bahs. And if the city-folk have a problem with that, then they can take one of my tusks and shove it somewhere painful. By Malacath’s ashy udders, I will not abide by these false and spiteful assumptions from clean-breathers.
Any young, true Orc can tell you that the Orsimer were born anew when Malacath ripped himself out of the weak skin that was Trinimac and showered us in his blood, hardening us into new shapes and transforming us into the greatest survivors Tamriel has ever known. What most Orcs unfortunately do not share with the other races is that we were not the only ones that were changed in this ancient process: so were the ogres, and the goblins too.
Yeah, we all used to be gold-skin pompous-farts like the Aldmer were at one point in time; but we were also Trinimac’s greatest followers and most powerful army as well. The biggest and meanest of us became the ogres and, well, they’re still the biggest and meanest (even to us)! We, the rank and file of Trinimac’s soldiers, became the Orcs and we wouldn’t change a thing. But the smallest and scurriest were transformed into the goblins, and they always needed some kind of protection from the bigger folk. That’s why when the First Orsinium was founded in Wrothgar we all built it together, so we could live as a unified people.
But then the Bretons and Redguards messed that all up, because they’re jerks, and the ogres and the goblins kind of lost their civil sense. They don’t like anyone anymore, even Orcs, but at the same time I can’t really blame them. Persecute someone long enough and you lose the privilege of asking them why they won’t like you, you know? Anyways, that’s how goblins came to be.
Oh, but I can hear the clean-breathers already muttering under their breath: “What about the Hyu-Ket of Yneslea? And the goblins of Akavir? Or the Rieklings of Solstheim? Where do they come from?”
The same place, numbskulls! Why would it be any different? You see, the ancient orcs and ogres and goblins sailed north and east of the Land of Pompous farts (Summerset, Alinor, Aldmeris; whatever they want to call it and wherever it was) because we weren’t wanted there anymore. Us Orcs traveled all across Tamriel in those days, never settling anywhere for too long because we know comfort is nothing more than an illusion. Ogres got to Wrothgar and Cyrodiil before anyone else did. And as for the goblins? Well…
Some “remained” (got captured) in Summerset, and were subsequently enslaved by the Aldmer and the Altmer. The ones that went to the Heartland fractured into hundreds of tribes, before they migrated into Hammerfell and Morrowind and allied with the ogres there for a time (and those goblin-ogre babies were tuskin’ huge too, according to the legends). But the old tales mention that some goblins hunted the Chimer in boats, for they were maddened at what they had become, and sailed so far east in their pursuit they didn’t know how to return.
Do you smell the meat I’m skewering, yet? I think you do! I fully believe that the eastward goblins are the ship-tribes spoken about in the old tales. The Hyu-Ket are true kinsmen of the Orcs, and their strange appearances are only an effect of their ancient migration to Yneslea and isolation from the rest of the tribes. I even speculate that the goblins of Akavir are an offshoot of the Hyu-Ket that kept sailing east instead of settling on Yneslea with the rest. But for what reason? I don’t have the faintest idea, and the Dragon Land gives my tusks the flakes whenever I think about it.
As for the Rieklings of Solstheim? I’ll have to travel there myself in order to make observations. But I’m pretty sure they’re related to the Riekr of the Druadach Mountains, and it shouldn’t take too long for me to produce another essay regarding their origins as well.
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